Unlike most people today, there was no political, health or social reason that led me to become a vegetarian; being born to Hindu parents automatically made me one.  Most Hindu children of my generation are raised vegetarian but as they grow older they shy away from the strict eating habits and begin to eat meat.  This usually happens when they move away to college because Mom isn’t providing tasty, vegetarian meals.  I personally have remained a vegetarian because I’ve realized that it is healthy and don’t mind spending extra time making a delicious, vegetarian meal as opposed to picking up a Wawa meatball sub.

This is not to say that I look down on those who’ve decided to ditch their vegetarian roots for quicker, simpler and hassle-free meals.  I am well aware that vegetarianism is not convenient, especially for someone who eats meat and has to provide accommodations to someone who doesn’t.  As a child, I was subjected to awkward situations when put in a room where everyone ate meat except me, and only meat was available to eat.  I would never speak up because at the time my immaturity, mixed with the feeling of being a nuisance to the host, would keep me quiet.  It was already bad enough that the other kids looked at my barely empty plate of side salad and olives and assume I had an eating disorder.  So, I’d go starve for the time being or eat something before I left from the comfort of my own kitchen.

Unfortunately, in my adult life, not much has changed.  There are still the awkward moments when attending conferences, fancy wine tastings or dining with parents of significant others, that bubble up the feeling of inconveniencing the hosts.  However in today’s world, it is quite surprising that these discomforts still exist.  We live in a world where more people are no longer vegetarians and vegans because of their religious choices, but because of their own decision to lead a healthy life and fight animal cruelty.  In addition to vegetarian and veganism, I’ve found that the uneasiness that I feel staring at a menu full of meat at a five-star restaurant also plagues the those who must lead a gluten-free way of life.  How horrible it must be for someone to have a food allergy, and also remain hungry, because of their self-consciousness of being different.

Of course you may think that I am exaggerating this feeling of shame when put in certain social food situations, so let me provide you with examples.  When I met my boyfriend’s father for the first time, we went to eat at Smith & Wollensky Steakhouse in Philadelphia.  I could have ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, guilt-free, but there was no meat-free item for me to eat.  So there I was, in an already nerve-racking situation eating a caprese salad as my entre while my boyfriend and his father had some variation of filet mignon.  What did I expect going to a steakhouse as a vegetarian?   See that wasn’t the bad part—it was more about not being able to suggest a different place to eat where everyone could be satisfied.  His father had made the reservations and informed us of them a few hours before we met.  For fear of being rude, I didn’t want to change the plans last second.  The feeling of wasting a seat in a steakhouse, that my friends would’ve killed to be invited to, took a couple months to recover from.

Another situation was a dinner party I attended at someone’s home.  The evening was filled with wine, laughter, and, for everyone except me, great food.  When we sat down to eat dinner, I quietly reminded the host that I did not eat meat and did not see anything I could eat.  She made a huge fuss apologizing over and over again.  Everyone started staring at me.  She told them all to wait 15 more minutes to eat while she cooked up something “special” to accommodate me.  When we finally sat down to eat, I had a plate full of heaping, buttered spaghetti.

There are obvious times when I have tried to avoid this type of situation by bringing my own food to cook.  One Fourth of July, my sister and I attended a barbeque with friends.  Expecting to have nothing to eat besides the pasta salads and fruit, we brought a box of veggie burgers.  The host was absolutely delighted that we had brought something to keep us full and happy; the guy manning the grill looked at us in disgust.  It was as though we were insulting him by asking him to cook a nonmeat burger.  In reality, we were the guests at his home!  Shouldn’t they have catered to all of their guests instead of us having to bring our own food to their home?  I couldn’t help but wonder who was being more impolite, the hosts or me?

Is it too much to ask for a host to accommodate to their guests?  Chelsea Clinton’s recent wedding menu has garnered a lot of press and comments on food blogs.  A self-proclaimed vegan with a gluten-allergy, Clinton chose to serve one meat dish (organic beef), and the rest was all vegan including her gluten-free cake.  Clinton even went as far as providing a color-coded map to guide her guests to the food tables where they would find the food that they enjoyed.  Many people have criticized her because she did not serve more meat dishes at her wedding full of carnivores.

When the tables are turned like this, it really gets me wondering why people are not accepting of other’s dietary choices.  Clinton is a vegan because she is trying to be healthy and practice the humane treatment of animals.  When a person who eats meat enters a situation where no meat is served, I don’t believe they have “nothing to eat.”  Their dietary restrictions do not include not eating vegetables, soy products, or lentils, they’re not being served anything unhealthy (for the most part), and no animal cruelty was endured bringing the food to the table.  Most vegetarians often provide a meat dish at their wedding, even though it goes against their core beliefs.  So why is it such an issue to provide a nonmeat dish that tastes good to a vegetarian?

I wish someone would write some kind of book that makes Oprah’s bestseller list about vegetarian/vegan etiquette.  That way, a guide would be available and we’d finally know who was being the polite one.  Should the guest anticipate that their dietary restrictions will inconvenience the chef and eat prior to attending an event?  Should the guest bring his or her own food to eat along with everyone else?  Or is the host always supposed to accommodate the guest? It’d be so nice if this could be all cleared up before I attend my next dinner party.  The overwhelming anxiety of eating with people is getting tiresome.

Sonal Patel is studying Communications in her fourth year at Drexel University. She is currently interning for the Drexel Publishing Group.