We all have different ways to cope with stress in our lives. Some eat chocolate. Others go for a vigorous workout. Still others head straight for the bar with a good friend. I escape from the world without gaining weight, muscle aches, or hangovers. What’s my secret? Tabloid magazines.

Sometimes I just need to leave my reality and step into someone else’s. “I got a B in biology? Whatever – Jennifer Aniston gained five pounds this week and John Mayer dumped her again. ”

They’re always there, in all their glossy glory in the grocery store checkout line. Kate Gosselin and her amazing beach body! Miley Cyrus and her newest stripper pole dance! Brad Pitt and his perfect everything! I must add it to the conveyor belt next to my orange juice, underneath the whole wheat bread so no one knows I’m buying it.

I am a rational person. I am serious, kind, sincere, and no one would guess from looking at me that I actually spend $4.75 on magazines written about people that I don’t and never will know, magazines that probably contain lies about the people I don’t and never will know. One minute I’m standing there, perfectly calm, ready to walk right past the rack of shiny rumors. The next minute, I’m texting my NY-Yankees-loving friend, asking her if she heard that Kate Hudson might be carrying A-Rod’s baby.

It’s scary – I’ve begun to use celebrity gossip as conversation starters. And the worst part about that? It works! You know those times when you hear something, and call up your friend to find out if it’s true and maybe get some more details? That’s me – I’m the friend you call. It has gotten to the point where people refer to me as the expert on celebrity gossip. It may be the most embarrassing thing I have ever been associated with.

Embarrassing as it is, there are many other people like me, and worse than me, that drive the tabloid market. I have even met people who subscribe to the magazines, who unashamedly say, “Mondays are my wife’s favorite day. That’s when People magazine is delivered and waiting in the mailbox for her.”

I reassure myself that I’m not that bad. Sure, I can interject my celebrity gossip knowledge into just about any conversation: “Real estate you say? Did you know Ivanka Trump just got married?” But, I don’t have a subscription. I’ve got that under control. For now.

And I reassure myself that my reading and sharing rumors about famous people isn’t doing any harm. My father always told me not to gossip, that it would ruin friendships. But I only gossip about people I don’t know. I have no personal connection to these people and don’t feel responsible if they get sad that people are calling them dumb for, say, getting a DUI.

I tell myself that celebrities should think of tabloids as their best girlfriend. You know, the one that’s supposed to look you in the eye and tell you that your outfit looks horrendous, or the one that volunteers herself to be your gym buddy to motivate you to lose a couple of pounds. Tabloids are really a good friend just telling it like it is.

And when I’m having a stressful day, that’s exactly what I need. Someone to tell it like it is. As long as it’s about someone else’s life.

Sonal Patel is a Communications major studying in her 4th year at Drexel University.

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